khatfield
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![[*]](./images/aventure_light/default_icon.gif) posted on 23-10-06 at 09:53 AM |
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Few Jokes for you
An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt
in the accident.
The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the
rest of our days."
"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.
"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t
break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."
Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to
hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.
"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."
[Edited on 10-23-0606 by khatfield]
[Edited on 10-23-0606 by khatfield]
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them.
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khatfield
Super Administrator
Posts: 68
Registered: 17-9-06
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Mood: You know my mood...
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 09:55 AM |
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Another!
Late one evening, an officer was parked outside a local pub. He noticed a man leaving the bar who was so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing. After the intoxicated man had tried his keys on five
different vehicles, he managed to find his car and fall into the driver_sq__sq_s seat.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off, flicked the indicators on, tooted the horn, and then finally switched on the lights. He
remained stationery for a few more minutes as more cars left the parking lot. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled out of the lot and started
to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over,
and carried out a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station; this equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the man, “tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
[Edited on 10-23-0606 by khatfield]
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them.
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khatfield
Super Administrator
Posts: 68
Registered: 17-9-06
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Mood: You know my mood...
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 09:57 AM |
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Hilarious!
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I
drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”
The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have
insurance!”
The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned
the whole house down!”
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them.
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khatfield
Super Administrator
Posts: 68
Registered: 17-9-06
Member Is Offline
Mood: You know my mood...
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 09:59 AM |
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Bikers...
There were three men drinking in a bar: a doctor, an attorney, and a biker.
As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she
doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.”
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if
she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said “For Valentine’s Day I’m going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she
doesn’t like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!”
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them.
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khatfield
Super Administrator
Posts: 68
Registered: 17-9-06
Member Is Offline
Mood: You know my mood...
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 10:01 AM |
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Spit 'n' Span
An attractive woman goes up to the bar in a rural tavern. She gestures several times to the bartender, but he ignores her. She disappears for several
minutes, returns to the bar, and blows him a kiss. This time he rushes over.
“Are you the manager?” she asks, softly stroking his face.
“Actually, no,” the bartender smiles.
“Can you get him for me?” she asks, running her hands through his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t. He’s not here,” the bartender sighs. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,” she continues, popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them
gently.
“What should I tell him?” he manages to ask.
“Tell him,” she whispers, “that there’s no toilet paper in the ladies’ room.”
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them.
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khatfield
Super Administrator
Posts: 68
Registered: 17-9-06
Member Is Offline
Mood: You know my mood...
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 10:02 AM |
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Rubber Check
A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The
next day he comes in again, again buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to
follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning
20 minutes later.
"So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist.
"Yup."
"Where did he go?"
"Your house."
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of
what to do with them.
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rhiannonwhite_1101
Junior Member
Posts: 28
Registered: 24-9-06
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Mood: A mix of Tania and Kevin's moods...
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 02:50 PM |
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Hehehe unfortunately reading this was the only bright spot of my day!
There are three things a girl always needs in life: alcohol to make her strong, love to make her weak, and friends to pick her up when both things
make her hit the floor...
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thatfield
Member
Posts: 126
Registered: 18-9-06
Location: Oxford, MS
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Mood: Not the mood that Kevin is in
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| posted on 23-10-06 at 02:53 PM |
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COME ON!!! WHAT ABOUT MY JOKES!
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
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jhbailey
Junior Member
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Registered: 23-9-06
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Mood: No Mood
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| posted on 24-10-06 at 01:36 PM |
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what jokes? lol
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